Man on the Moon
by Professor Cricket
Summary: Twelve-year-old Sirius Black discovers Remus Lupin's darkest secret... again.


Man on the Moon

"I'm very impressed, Mr. Black."

Sirius Black looked up at his Astronomy teacher, more than a little startled. For one thing, he'd thought he was alone in the Astronomy Tower.

The professor smiled at him. "I'm not being sarcastic, though I have to admit I was surprised to find you in here. I thought I'd locked up for the night."

Sirius blushed. "You did," he said. "I unlocked for the night."

Professor Starkey laughed. "Well said, young man. But," she said, motioning to the parchment Sirius had been working on, "I am impressed. Most students don't actually go to the trouble of calculating the lunar chart longhand. They simply look it up in a calendar."

Sirius looked at the dates and the calculations in front of him.

It clicked. A lunar chart.

Sirius swallowed, partly overcome by what it meant and partly in the knowledge that he had a conversation to carry on.

"Well," he said at last, "calendars are kind of imprecise, aren't they?"

"Depends on the calendar," said Starkey. "Mine are quite accurate. I publish them each year in the _Wizard's Almanack_."

"I could have saved myself a lot of time if I'd known that." Good, he thought: be glib. Stay in the moment. Maybe she won't notice that you're shaking.

Starkey laughed. "Never be embarrassed about doing the extra work. I'm not infallible. In fact, just last month, one of your dorm-mates noticed that I'd miscalculated a moonrise by nearly thirty seconds."

"Yeah, Remus is pretty good with astronomy," Sirius said. Part of him was hoping that Starkey would said, "Oh, it wasn't Mr. Lupin," but who else would it be? Hell, it was Remus' parchment sitting in front of him. He'd swiped it when the other boy was at dinner. He'd come to the Astronomy Tower to try to figure it out, but only because he counted on being alone there. He knew the parchment was important to the other boy, but also knew it might just be Arithmancy homework; his fellow second-year was taking a couple of advanced classes. He didn't want to confront Lupin with, well, evidence of studiousness.

But Starkey only confirmed Sirius' suspicions. "Yes," she said, sounding pleased, "Mr. Lupin is an extremely gifted astronomer. I think he gets his talent from his mother."

Keeping talking, he told himself. Make small talk. Sirius racked his brain for what little he knew about the other boy. "His mum's a Muggle astronomer," he said. "Watches meteorites, or something."

"She's making a comprehensive study of Jupiter's moons," Starkey said.

Something else Remus had said about astronomy suddenly clicked in Sirius' brain. "Professor, have the Muggles really sent people to live on the moon? Remus said they did, but…"

"It's difficult to believe, isn't it? But Muggle science has advanced a great deal in the last hundred years – they're not at the level of magic, of course, but in some respects they've advanced past us."

"So there really are Muggles living on the moon?"

Starkey chuckled. "I think you misunderstood Mr. Lupin. The Muggles indeed sent a number of explorers to the moon, but none of them live there. They only stayed for a few days at a time, I believe."

"I guess that's more believable."

"I daresay it is. Mr. Black?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Do you mind if I lock up for the night? Finally, I mean?"

Sirius took the hint. "I'm going." Then, as a pre-emptive measure, he said, "Thank you for not giving me detention."

"Ah, but I am. Tomorrow evening you're going to explain to me exactly how you got past the locks."

"Yes, ma'am." He hurried off, reflecting that his punishment could have been much worse.

He should, he knew, go back to Gryffindor Tower. His first instinct was to go to Dumbledore, but Dumbledore would have to know already, wouldn't he? He might even place a Memory Charm on Sirius to make him forget what he'd learned about Remus Lupin, and Sirius definitely didn't want that.

Normally, when Sirius was on automatic, he found himself at Gryffindor Tower, in front of the Fat Lady's portrait. This time, he found himself in the hospital wing.

"Mr. Black?"

Sirius turned, and faced the school's healer, Madam Pomfrey. He grinned; James would be jealous. His best friend and dorm-mate, James Potter, had a crush on her. (Sirius had been appalled by James' confession: "She's so _old_! She's got to be at least twenty-five.")

"Are you ill, Mr. Black? If not, you're breaking curfew."

"Can I see Remus, please?"

"He's sleeping, Mr. Black. And as I said, you're breaking curfew."

Sirius felt around his pockets, and withdrew a chocolate frog. "Can I just leave this for him? And a note? Please?"

Poppy Pomfrey sighed. She knew she was going to have to get a lot tougher on the students… but not tonight. The poor boy had never had visitors before; this was the first time one of his dorm-mates had even stopped by.

"You can leave it on his bedside table. But don't you dare wake him!"

"I won't, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am."

Sirius put the candy on the little table by Lupin's bed. He studied the other boy for a moment. Moonlight was streaming in through a nearby window, bathing the sleeping boy's face, making him look even paler than normal. Or maybe he really was that pale, that exhausted.

He had long, golden-brown eyelashes that curved delicately. His lips were pale, parted slightly; they had always made Sirius think of strawberries. One hand was drawn up, lying across his chest, the slender fingers gracefully bent. He didn't look like a monster.

But he was.

Sirius took the lunar chart from his pocket. He unfolded it, and wrote at the bottom, "_I know_."

He left it with the candy.

The next morning, at breakfast, Remus Lupin was quiet and reserved – not that he wasn't normally. He shot a few long glances at Sirius, who was, as per usual, joking with James. Peter, also per usual, was listening in, laughing at the jokes, and practically worshipping the other boys.

Finally Sirius turned to him. "Did you get the candy?"

Lupin nodded.

"Oi, since when are you giving Lupin candy, you prat?" asked James pleasantly.

"Ever since he got sick. He spent last night in the hospital."

"You went to the hospital wing without me?" James sounded outraged.

"Of course I did! You think I wanted to be embarrassed by a great drooling git?" He swooned. "Oh, _Poppy_," he moaned, imitating James' accent, "I love you so much! Please run away with me!"

"Prat!" James started flinging bits of warm croissant at his friend.

"What were you sick with?" asked Peter pleasantly.

"Oh, um – "

"Yeah," said James, suddenly interested, "I thought you said your mum was ill."

"She was ill last month, you googly-eyed goon," said Sirius. "Snape hexed him. Jelly Legs."

James winced. "Sorry about that, Loopy."

"'s all right," said Lupin in a tiny voice.

"It's not, actually," said Sirius, throwing his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. "We'll plot revenge on the slime-hair, don't you worry." He smiled at Lupin, who just looked confused.

"I, uh, I got your note," the boy said tentatively.

"Oooooooh, did you write Loopy a love note?" James squealed in feigned eagerness.

"Yes," said Sirius, "I confessed my undying love for him. We're poofters, and we're going to be married on Valentine's Day."

"Um, I don't think so," said Lupin quietly, removing Sirius' arm from around him.

James – and, a moment later, Peter – laughed in delight. "I think I stand a better chance with Pomfrey."

Sirius paired with James for most classes, except History of Magic. Peter and Remus were the only two of the dorm-mates who could stay awake enough to take notes; James and Sirius had been given a detention when even the usually-oblivious Binns had noticed they were both fast asleep. So the usual pairs had been broken up, and the wakeful halves of the new pairs were given instructions to keep their partners awake. Peter had welcomed the opportunity to spend more time hero-worshipping James up close. Sirius got paired with Remus.

It was probably that, reflected Sirius, which made him more than just vaguely aware of the other boy's existence. Lupin was preternaturally quiet, and always kept to himself. He didn't play Quidditch, and so far as Sirius knew never even went to matches. He didn't do anything that required company. Sirius had just been happy to have fun with James, and willing to tolerate Peter tagging along wherever they went. Lupin… Lupin just fell off his personal radar. He knew the other boy was there, and talked to him, but never more than just pleasantries.

But suddenly, he was forced into Lupin's company, and had precious little else to distract him – James and Peter were on the other side of the room, and Sirius didn't want detention with Binns a second time; the first had been so boring he swore it nearly killed him. So he started concentrating on his new partner. He noticed a pattern – that every time he started to think about Remus Lupin, his mind would suddenly wander. If he forced himself to think about the other boy, he'd have a physical reaction – a headache, a stomachache, a sudden pain. And if he ignored the pain, and still continued to concentrate on the boy, the symptoms got worse: dizziness, nausea.

In other words, all of the telltale signs of a well-placed Memory Charm.

Then he began looking closely at the way James and Peter interacted with Remus Lupin. They didn't. James seemed barely aware that the boy even existed. His matey nicknames for Lupin changed on a constant basis: today is was Loopy, but tomorrow – if James spoke to him tomorrow – it would be Loops, or Looper, or Loony, or any variation. Peter seemed more aware of Lupin's existence, but only in an annoyed way, when the other boy stole precious attention from either James or Sirius.

So it was appropriate, Sirius thought, that it was in Binns' class that he would write Lupin another note. He wrote,

_I think I've nearly got it all figured out. There are just a few details I want you to fill in for me_.

Lupin wrote back,

_After lunch_? _We have a break then_.

_Yes_.

Lupin stared at the parchment for a long time, then wrote back,

_Are you going to tell_?

_I don't know_.

Getting away from James and Peter after lunch had been difficult. For one thing, James couldn't understand why he wasn't invited. But he developed a sudden headache – the Memory Charm, Sirius guessed – and Peter went back with him to the dorm.

Sitting under a tree in front of the lake, Sirius suddenly realized that he didn't even know where to start. Finally, he said, very casually, "So, you're a werewolf."

"Yes," said Lupin softly.

"It's pretty obvious, when you look at all the signs. Funny it took me a year and a half to figure it out."

"It didn't." Lupin's voice was incredibly quiet. "Not the first time."

"When did I figure it out last year?"

"November. After only three full moons."

"I'm good," said Sirius, a little proud of himself.

"Very."

"And Dumbledore placed Memory Charms on us? I mean, on me, Jamey, and Pete. Obviously not on you."

"That's right."

"Why?"

"Um, you kind of… freaked out."

"I did?"

"Yeah. All of you did. But you - you were really angry. You said you didn't want to share a dorm with a monster."

"I said that?"

"You said a lot worse."

"Like what?"

Lupin looked up at him. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, I do. What else did I say?"

"You… you said I was an abomination against nature. You said I should be put down."

Sirius gaped at him. "_I_ said that?"

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"Not a lot. Mostly I just cried."

"I don't blame you."

They both looked out onto the lake for a long time. Then Sirius said, very gently, "I hear that a lot at home."

"Hear what?"

"My mother screams that at me. 'You're an abomination against nature, and you should be put down.' You know, if I wear Muggle clothes or listen to Muggle music. Hells, she said it once when she found me eating Muggle candy."

"Your _mother_ says that? To _you_?"

"Yeah. So, look, I'm really sorry I said that to you. No one should hear that."

"Thank you."

They were quiet again for a while. It was Remus who next broke the silence.

"So, what are you going to do?"

"Well, I'm going to ask Dumbledore to take the Memory Charm off. And Jamey and Pete have a right to know. And you… you have a right to, I don't know, not have to live on the sidelines. You should be part of the group."

"What if… what if, when Dumbledore takes the Charm off, you hate me again? You're being really nice right now, but what if that's just part of the Memory Charm?"

"Well, then, he'll put it back on again, and we'll all go back to the way we were before. But I want to try."

"Okay."

When Sirius and Remus got back to the dorm, James and Peter were waiting for them with the news that Dumbledore wanted to see them in his office.

"He must know somehow," said Sirius.

"It's probably part of the Charm," Remus guessed.

"What Charm?" asked James.

"Dumbledore will tell you," said Sirius. He didn't want to risk a blow-up in the dorm room.

Remus later remembered that meeting as the most nervous he'd ever been at school; not even the pressure of NEWTs had compared to waiting as Dumbledore lifted the Memory Charms on the three boys. They remembered that Lupin was a werewolf. They remembered the fight in the dorm. They remembered James and Sirius confronting Dumbledore and demanding that Lupin be expelled. They remembered the werewolf's frantic sobs, begging them for forgiveness.

"_I'm sorry I lied, I just wanted friends, I just wanted you to like me, please, I'm so sorry, please_…"

Sirius let out a sob as that particular memory flowed back into his brain; he grasped Remus in his arms, and said, "You don't have anything to apologize for. I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I said, I'm so sorry."

"I can't believe I acted that way," murmured James. "You must hate me."

Lupin shook his head. "Never."

"Well, you're a better person than I am," said James. "I couldn't forgive someone who said the sort of things that I did."

"Yes, you could," said Lupin softly. "If you had to. So you could – " He broke off.

"So I could what?" asked James.

"So you could have friends," finished Sirius. He released his hold on Lupin, but slid one of his hands into one of the werewolf's.

"So… that's it?" asked Peter. "We're just… all going to be friends?"

"That would be the ideal situation," said Dumbledore. "I realize this will require some adjustments from each of you. But I must say, boys, how very proud I am of you. I set the Memory Charms to begin to fade when you were mature enough to deal with the information. I never imagined that would be only a year. Indeed, I told Mr. Lupin to expect that you might never reach that point."

"Why would you tell him that?" asked Sirius, a little offended.

"Because hope can be cruel," said Remus Lupin softly, squeezing his new friend's hand.

The next task, as far as Sirius was concerned, was to fill in all the empty spaces regarding Lupin. He began over dinner, quizzing the other boy relentlessly about his life, about his family, about everything he could think of. Eventually, they got to the subject of Astronomy.

"Starkey swears it's true," said Sirius when James refused to believe that the Muggles had put a man on the moon. "She says they don't live there, but they've sent explorers there."

"They brought back rocks," said Lupin. "I've seen them."

"Did… did anything happen to you when you saw them?"

Lupin smiled. "Yeah… I felt really good. But I don't think it was because they were pieces of the moon. I think it was because they were from someplace impossibly far away, but they were right there, in front of me. It was really nice."

Sirius did something he'd done for only the first time that morning: he slung an arm around Lupin's shoulders. This time, Lupin leaned into him a little.

_He's not afraid anymore_, thought Sirius. _And neither am I_.


End file.
